Yes, that was how it was supposed to be bog, an army of hobbits allied to sauron, guess we have to settle for pale folk :(

Well Bog, haven't ya noticed the huge increase in hobbits out in the moors? I think it's going pretty good for those two.

Dear Miss battlebear,
I write to you on behalf of Mr. Sopot and Mrs. Bubblie, whom I am aware you have had recent dealings with regarding ownership of yourself.

It is the will of Mr. Sopot and Mrs. Bubblie that a new breed of warrior be made for the glory of Angmar and all it's subsidiaries, as such, we have appointed a young and valliant Hobbit named Briffo Boffin to this task, we would require that you assist in this task.

The first stage of said mission has already been completed; finding two suitable killing machines in the Ettenmoors.
The second stage now requires yourself and Briffo Boffin to become a breeding pair. As you are a lesser species in the eyes of Angmar, our information regarding the mating process is limited, however, it is our findings that large doses of alcohol increase the chances of pregnancy in your species, and we suggest that yourself and Briffo Boffin consume as much alcohol as is safe for your species.

Mrs. Bubblie and Mr. Sopot eagarly await results.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear mr. sopot and mrs. bubblie,

i feel as though i was very fortunate to have met two monsters as friendly and as tall as yourselves. the evermoons is a very dangerous land, and making friends can be very difficult as i do not know how to speak any of the various dark languages that seem to be present. i'd also like to formally extend my apologies for attacking that banner of yours. i saw the skulls on the top and it scared me pretty badly. i began to panic and my sword just started swinging before i knew what was happening. now, on to subject of your correspondance...

i feel as though an explanation is in order. while hobbits are very simple folk, perectly happy to eat and smoke the days away, we do not just select mating partners. that may work fine for those silly talls in bree-land, but i can assure you that there are many tasks that must be undertaken to prove that the hobbit-boy in question is of quality stock. it would be completely out of question for me to approach your suggested mate.

letter cont...

i would suggest that you send briffo out to introduce himself. i am very fond of flowers, and i do fancy a boy that can eat. he must bring some snacks as well, for visiting without them is just a sign of very poor manners. i am quite the adventurer, so a common pie will just not do. i suggest a fancy snack, perhaps something of elf-make. while i have been known to enjoy a beverage or twelve from time to time, i cannot guarantee that just consuming them will lead to the aforementioned children of destruction. this is a process that make take quite a bit of time, so i would ask that you take this time to acquire plenty of weapons for us halflings. pitchforks and frying pans have served me well thus far, but my recent adventures into your land have shown they may not be powerful enough. i will keep in touch as there is new information to share.

the friendliest bear in the evermoons,
battlebear.

Sopot to Briffo

Dear Briffo,

I'm writing to inform you that Mrs. Bubblie and I, Mr. Sopot, have aquired a young virtuous Hobbit lass named Battlebear.

It is our desire that you two become a mating pair so that we might breed the ultimate killing machine that Middle Earth has ever seen, should you require any assistance in the matter, let us know!

--------------------------------------------

Briffo to Sopot

Dear Mr. Sopot,
I am of mixed feelings on the subject of your acquisition. What you must understand is that, unlike... ahem, proper species such as yourselves... folk of my type require a... process of sorts, before any such occurence as, well... mating... is forseen. Though perhaps your statement is figurative, and you are merely requesting me to... 'mate' in a sense of recruiting more fellows to our cause, which, in your eyes, would be seen as self-sacrifice... and many, many free dinners. Unfortunately I am looked upon as rather insane among my people despite my purpose of this, endeavor.

Oh, dear... well... I'm afraid the best I can do is continuing to do my duty, and perhaps someday I will set an example that will encourage others to... um... sacrifice themselves, of course.

If you wish, I will venture alongside this hobbit-lass of yours. Perhaps we will suffice as a second breakfast if we work together. Though... that... thing... you were talking about... well... oh my, oh my...
Briffo Boffin